My dreams, it's never quite as it seems

I've been dreaming that I'm very sick lately. With a cold, mostly. But last night I was actually in the hospital.



I could barely stand, I felt like I had no strength to keep myself up. And my chest hurt. I just FELT really sick. Whoever I was with (I forget now) didn't seem to think anything was wrong with me. I thought maybe I was just imagining it and I was kind of embarassed to be in the hospital. But then the doctor came in and looked at me. I remember she said "Oh my god. This happens all the time." and she told me it was very serious but it could be fixed. There was something wrong with my heart. That pain was my heart hurting. I may have been given some medication after that. I don't remember if I took it or refused it.



I do remember that a certain someone from the past was in the same hospital as me. The friends I were with were friends with her but I was like oh no hide me. She was always in the hospital (in real life and dream life). I think she tried to come see me/my friends but I just ignored her.



Earlier in the dream I had met Dr House/Hugh Laurie...which ever he was supposed to be in my dream...and he told me things about life. He gave me his name on some journaling website and told me to look him up and read what he has written. I remember feeling attracted to him but also creeped out because he was old and he was being a mentor and I shouldn't feel that way. I wish I could remember the name he gave me for the journal..it was his "real" name and very strange. But anyway, I don't remember what things he told me about life but I came out of it feeling like I had this new information to make my life better.

I then had a Christmas party and invited him but he didn't come. Neither did most of the other people I invited.


I looked up some words on dreammoods.com and this is what it says..
Illness: an illness in your dream, denotes despair, unpleasant changes, or some emotional breakdown. The illness may be symbolic of your inability to cope with a situation...

Sick: To dream that you or others are sick, denotes discordance and trouble in your life. It may also signal a part of yourself that needs to be healed, either physically or mentally.

Hospital: To see or dream that you are in a hospital, symbolizes your need to heal or improve your physical or mental heath. You need to get back to the flow of everyday life. Alternatively, it suggests that you are giving up control of your own body or that you are afraid of losing control of your body.

My dreams usually have this common theme. Anger, sadness, feeling out of control, needing to do something with my life. And I have no idea how to fix it.

Three years ago

I remembered I had a Livejournal that I haven't looked at in a long time. I stopped doing that because the entries upset me but I was curious to know what was going on in my life at this time in 2006.

This was the entry from October 20, 2006:
"The lady (Sheryl is her name) sent me this picture saying my puppy has arrived! One of the blacks is mine. :oX I am still waiting to hear back from her about when I should put the $250 down to hold the girl. I don't have it yet!
Her name is going to be Sophie. I cannot believe it.. I named her. She's going to be mine.
EDIT: She is holding one for me while I get the deposit! omgomgomgomg"

Sophi is turning three tomorrow. I can't believe it's been this long yet I feel like we've had her forever.

My entries from this time in 06 are full of Sophi things and talking about work at BABW. I say that I feel more comfortable there and I talk to the girls there instead of standing there afraid. I miss Build A Bear. It was a good time in my life, no matter how it ended. Some times I wish I was still there.

"I can't believe I'm gonna be 18 soon. One more year. Finally."
I am going to be 20 soon. I wrote that when I was 16. I never made it that last year..

I'm going to stop reading old entries now haha makes me feel bad about myself.